Idotic Wit

It's  tough to stay married. My husband kisses the dog on the lips, yet he won't drink from my glass!

Last night my husband met me at the front door. He was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, he was coming home.

 I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at  all.

I knew a guy so ugly... they used him in prisons to cure  sex offenders.

My  husband is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen  the roaches hang themselves.

The  other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,  'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My  husband's such a bad cook, the dog begs for dog biscuits.

My  husband is such a bad cook, in my house we pray, not before, but  after the  meal.

 My  husband only has sex with me for a purpose.  Last night he used me to time an egg.

Panjoos...

I am betraying the faith of my brethren but this was too hilarious to pass up.....


A for Adjust.
Punjabis will always ask you to adjust whenever they want to push you around.

B for Backside.

It has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever.


C for Cloney.
It's not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g . ... Dfence Cloney.

D for Daru-sharu.
The most popular health & energy drink. It is believed that there must have been some error in the scientific conclusion that life began with water.


E for Expanditure.
Punjabis are never shy of spending money – the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors: their ambitions are always expanding.

F for Fackade.
Even though it sounds like a bad word it is actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).

G for Gaddi.
The way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way a
Schumaker, Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake our Balvinder, Jasvinder, Sukhvinder or Harvinder.)

H for Ho Jayega Ji.
The moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I for Intezaar.
To know more about it see P.

J for Jindagi.
If there's one person who knows how to live life to the fullest it's a Punjabi.

K for Khanna, Khurana, Khosla etc.
The Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses ( e.g. keeping up with the Khoslas')

L for Lovely.
Unfortunately she almost never is.

M for Mrooti.
The car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with.


N for No Problem Ji.
To find out how that works see H.

O for Oye.
This can be a surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).

P for Panj Mint.
No matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in panj mint.

Q for Queue.
A word completely untranslatable into Punjabi.

R for Riks .
Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him.

S for Sweetie.
Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi.

T for official bird of Punjab.
Tandoori chicken.

U for uncle ji.
When you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncle-ji' (Aunti ji's please dont think you have been spared !!))

V for VIP.
Phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W for Whan,
As in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X for the many X-rated.
Words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations.

Y for 'You Nonsense'.
When anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z for Zigzag.
Please refer to G, M and P.

Wife is Missing!

 

A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."

The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"

"A month."

"Why did you wait so long to report it?"

"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream, then I realized I didn't have any clean clothes to wear."

So cool! Dont Miss...

 

ABSOLUTELY MINDBLOWING ..

1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE :

http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br

Wait for the lady to appear, then ...

2. WRITE YOUR FIRST NAME IN THE 1st LINE.

3. WRITE YOUR FAMILY NAME in the 2nd LINE

No need to write your e.mail address.

4. Press the VISUALIZAR bar.

QUESTIONS

Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

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Strange questions